Sunday, September 2, 2012

New Schedule/New Life

It's killing me!  I thought I'd be in the groove by now but I can't seem to make it work.  All kids going to school all the time and working FULL TIME.  I haven't figured out how single mom's do it.  Something's always got to suffer. Usually it's the house and a homemade dinner.  My work has changed from paper files to computers and it is way harder than I thought it would be just because we still have to use the paper charts to look up old things and so it really just doubled the work.  So I'm not getting home at 5:15 like I'd hoped.  My social life sucks now and neighbors are complaining that I'm never home and we never have fun anymore.  I feel like I am helping no one when before I was helping everyone.  I listened to people and helped them with their problems and now I am the problem. 

Quit work right?  Go back home and do what I'm supposed to do.  Right?
I wish it was that easy.  I got this job because people complained that the bishop wasn't around enough.  So now the bishop has time to be bishop and I am contributing to the bills to make up for him not working.  I love my job, don't get me wrong.  I love my employer and co-workers.  I love helping other feel better and I am REALLY good at my job.  But is that being selfish?  I don't know.

Right now things are in that black hole I like to call "Satan trying to kill me".  He is pulling out all the big guns to try to get me to flee.  He makes his way seem so easy.  And it is.  But it's not the way to be happy.  Although I really don't feel happy right now trying to please everyone especially my Father in Heaven.  I used to wonder why the bishop's wife wasn't always happy and cheerful and asking what she can do to help everyone.  She always looked mad and tired.  (please don't tell her I said that) But now I know why!  I have turned into her.  She is a wonderful person but it's like the real her left for 5 years and some somber quite person took her place. 

I have always been the life of the party, the person to go to, the one to get things started, the one with the new ideas, the one to find the person who needs a friend, the one to kick you in the butt if you needed it and help you move on.  That was me.  That's not me now and I miss myself. 

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